Click on a thumbnail picture below to see the full size version. 89 Entries. Thursday, January 18 View Page My old friend greets the new year and refuses to go down. We all need something to cling to, so I humor her persistence. Soon the endless circle will begin anew and what once was will be again – only a bit bigger and prettier this time around I’m hoping...   Thursday, January 18 View Page The cover crop did go down with a little help from my friends. Big dreams now lurk quietly in the patch amidst the decay and the worms...   Saturday, February 10 View Page Out of the blue, my orange sweetheart had a casting call from Hollywood. At over 600 pounds, she proved to be a bit heavy for the part. Fame is so fleeting anyway... Now she is enjoying the blooms of an early spring. As a Valentines’ day present, I will return her seed to the earth. (toss her into the compost pile) That doesn’t sound very romantic, but a mother’s first thought is her offspring. I’m sure she will be thrilled...   Monday, February 12 View Page Our early spring produced record highs and the cover crop in the back patch is getting long in the tooth. Seems a bit early for this dance, but California is getting out of sync with the rest of the planet in a lotta ways...   Tuesday, February 13 View Page I always like to dress in my best when I dance The Swing with Ms. Whipper. I like the Charleston. She does a mean Jitterbug...   Tuesday, February 13 View Page Next, my deere old buddy John, will help me turn it under...   Wednesday, February 14 View Page On Valentine’s Day, I moved my orange sweetheart to the back forty and plowed her under. She was still sound and almost free of rot. Her belly was full of plump and eager seeds. Goodbye sweet cheeks - may the fruit of your seed bring you immortality...   Wednesday, February 21 View Page Flash from the past: I think I know why I’m so hooked on Big and Orange now. It springs from the delight and wonder I saw in kids faces when they first gazed on something so extraordinary... After many years kicking around this planet, I’m looking older and a bit crusty from the outside now. But inside, looking out - there’s that same little kid who has never changed and still believes in magic...   Thursday, March 8 View Page Patch Obscura – The mustard flowering in front now totally obscures my patch from the street. Now my clandestine patch prep ploys are safe from prying eyes, heh, heh...   Friday, March 16 View Page Behind the Yellow Curtain – I’m seeding the front patch with winter rye. A light till will loosen the soil and then scatter the seed and shake with the rake. Hoping for a quick crop before planting to help propagate my mycorrhiza friends...   Tuesday, March 27 View Page Zen and the Art of Pumpkin Growing – Is bigger really better? I wonder. Something so immense it doesn’t fit in my truck... makes no sense to me. There are aspects of human behavior that are hard to fathom – but nothing beats having something big and beautiful in the back of my truck...   Tuesday, March 27 View Page Lord of the Gourds - I found Flapjack squatting on her blossom stub out at the end of a back main. The plant was off Princess Peach, the 377 Zunino 2013. Perfect, ribby Cinderella shape, bright reddish orange and 619 gorgeous pounds. HD winner at Half Moon Bay in 2016. Flapjack was acquired by Melissa Mayer, the ex-CEO of Yahoo who let it rot in her front yard in Palo Alto. Never got any viable seeds back...   Thursday, April 5 View Page Poppies in the Rye – My spring planting of rye two weeks ago now covers the front patch bordered by California Poppies. The Red Corn Poppies will go into full bloom next keeping the bees entertained until the big finish later...   Tuesday, April 10 View Page The spring cover crop in the back patch is starting to fill in now as well. A coupla nervous rabbits started hanging around the salad bar. Chow down boys – just be sure to leave some deposits…   Tuesday, April 10 View Page Baby Sweet – I was knockin down weeds in the back patch and found this volunteer in the area that I plowed SweetCheeks under. I dressed her with potting soil and poured her a tall one without even thinking - don’t know why, can’t let her stay...   Sunday, April 22 View Page Spring Awakening – The warm breath of Spring has created a riot of color from the poppies eagerly seducing the bees. Mother Earth adorning her bosom. Funny how flora that flush orange gravitate to my garden...   Sunday, April 22 View Page Baby Sweet Sunning her Wings – My back patch volunteer is enjoying the sunny weather. I just starting soaking my first pumpkin seeds and there she is three weeks ahead. Not going to be easy making her leave...   Sunday, April 22 View Page Welcome to the Jungle - The front patch has become a colorful savanna. Time to start mowing and hacking. I gotta find a spot to put a couple pumpkin plants in here somewhere...   Sunday, April 22 View Page God Lives in the Garden – I was working in the garden today, my hands in the earth, the warm sun on my back, the soft moan of the bees caressing the blooms, and there he was - smiling in the sweet scent of the lilacs shifting in the breeze...   Tuesday, May 1 View Page Poppies in the Patch – Somebody’s been digging in the poppies making a mess...   Tuesday, May 1 View Page Trench Warfare – I’m double digging a trench along the path of the main vine in the front patch. This trench is about 6’ by 28’. When I was younger it would have been twice as big and I would have triple dug this part...   Tuesday, May 8 View Page Spaceships have Landed – Two spaceships descended into the front patch on May 1. It appears they are carrying mutant pumpkins from the distant planet Urena. I found the number 1937 on their hulls. I hope they are friendly...   Friday, May 11 View Page Chia Patch – The back patch has grown a nice beard of rye but may have to remain fallow this year. I was planning on planting some pretty pumpkins here but the last water bill dissuaded me. I’m giving this patch a rest and growing a few tomatoes instead...   Friday, May 11 View Page Baby Sweet Sets the Hook - I’ve always been a sucker for feminine charms. Baby Sweet has reeled me in. Since the back patch is toast this year, I’ve decided to keep her around. She’s been low maintenance. Two 5 gallon buckets of water over the past month and two bamboo stakes to support her from the spring gusts. That it. She’s a bastard child of a 1985 Miller and the pluckiest pumpkin plant I’ve ever seen...   Tuesday, May 15 View Page The alien mutant plants lurking in the front patch have been expanding exponentially. They are threatening to burst out of their confinement any day now. The enclosures have given them a chance to acclimate to the climate of this planet. They’ll soon want to conquer more land...   Thursday, May 24 View Page Off to the Races – Baby Sweet, my back patch volunteer, quickly outgrew the 6’ x 6’ shelter I put up for protection from the spring gusts. This gal is hot to trot. I opened up one side of the shelter to let her run. Six foot main and aching to gallop, gonna be a sweet ride...   Monday, May 28 View Page Urenas Attack! – The alien plants in my front patch are searching for new territory to conquer. These plants look rather dainty next to the 1985 Miller offspring in the back patch but it seems like they are light on their feet and built for speed...   Monday, May 28 View Page The Claw! – One of the 1937 Urena’s in the front patch is showing some mutant tendencies. This pic shows one of the first side vines. The rest of the plant looks ok. I hope this single groping extension gets it out of her system...   Tuesday, May 29 View Page Baby Sweet, Now 10 feet. Looking for some more to eat...   Wednesday, May 30 View Page May Flower – The first male flower opened this morning on Baby Sweet, my back patch volunteer. (1985 Miller offspring). Discreetly hiding near the stump, the bees were all over it..   Wednesday, June 6 View Page Patch Expansion – I doubled the patch size in front of Baby Sweet. A little too late apparently. I ran into masses of roots over 10 feet from the stump with my tiller. I should know better. Sorry about that Sweet…   Tuesday, June 12 View Page Tearin’ up the Tarmac - The Urena girls in the front patch popped the clutch and are burning up the track. They really like the new black racing stripe...   Tuesday, June 12 View Page Well, hello gorgeous!   Thursday, June 21 View Page Charge of the Light Brigade - The Urena’s side vines are advancing through the patch in precise formation. Gotta give her style points...   Thursday, June 21 View Page Feed Me! 16’ mains and 30’ wingspan. Female out 12’ on Urena East and 14’ on Urena West. This shot is looking down the throat of Urena East. These girls will be looking for a little action in the next day or two...   Thursday, June 21 View Page Whack the Mole! – This guy spent days lifting up the sod around the borders of my new lawn. Caught him in the act while I was drinking my coffee this morning...   Friday, June 22 View Page Pumpkin Porn – The female 12’ out on Urena East opened today. Here’s a shot of her reproductive organs. Four perfectly symmetrical heart-shaped lobes. Makes me wish I was a bee...   Saturday, June 30 View Page Bite Me – When the fruit at 12’ on the main of Urena East was 3 days old, Chip the Squirrel took a bite out of her. Seen here at 6 dap, the bite has enlarged proportionally with the size of the pumpkin. Not sure this girl is gonna weather this storm. She is growing real nice but I set her younger sister at 16’ just in case...   Saturday, June 30 View Page Baby Sweet’s Crib – I’m holding Baby Sweet to a smaller overall plant size. She never wants to grow up and I don’t blame her. Her patch is 12’ by 20’ She’s put out three females on the main - the last at 17’. I keep telling her she’s not ready yet because she’s still trying to figure out her orientation. I have a feeling she’d rather sit on her bottom, not lay on her side...   Saturday, June 30 View Page Summer Time – When it gets hot the Urena girls like to don their blue sundresses. This keeps their tender growing feet from getting those nasty blisters. They are both growing real fast now. The patch is 32’ by 50’ or 1,600 square feet and they have touched all four sides...   Monday, July 2 View Page Bring on the Storm - I’ve named the Urena East fruit with a turbulent past - Stormy Damnhole. She had a brief stint in the porn business flashing her assets and then was assaulted by a creepy critter with a big mouth. She’s showing she can push back by taping 32” circ at 10 dap. This girl’s a fighter and will take on any krackerjack out there who wants to take her on...   Tuesday, July 3 View Page Westward Ho! – Out West in the Urena patch is Stormy’s cousin Slow Poke Sally. She touched a meager 20” circ. at 10 dap and appears to favor easy ridin’. No torrid gossip sheet stories here – just moseying around the fire pokin’ at the embers. Sally is a 1937 Urena sibed with her cousin Stormy...   Wednesday, July 4 View Page All Wet - Caught a shot of Stormy and Sally in the shower this morning. I think I’m gonna need a bigger patch cause the girls about ate it all already. Happy 4th of July...   Thursday, July 5 View Page Stairway to Heaven – Baby Sweet unfurled her wings and is learning to fly...   Thursday, July 5 View Page Baby Sweet Opens her heart – Absolute, stunning perfection…   Saturday, July 7 View Page New Position - Baby Sweet, 20 feet out on the main. Pollinated with Stormy (1937 Urena) First time I tried this standing up...   Wednesday, July 11 View Page Gravity Falls – Hi-flying Baby Sweet is now discovering one of the primary effects of gravity; you are relentlessly pulled toward the center of the planet...   Wednesday, July 11 View Page Gathering Storm – Stormy Damnholes’ impressive array of photo collectors now cover the patch in undulating waves of organic green. This emerald sea now covers over 700 square feet. My modest patch is much too small to contain her generous curves...   Thursday, July 12 View Page Party Time – Stormy DamnHoles celebrated her 20th birthday today with a bottle of Buffalo Bill’s Pumpkin Ale her Western cousin Sally SloPoke gave her. She taped 84” circ, or 192” OTT this morning and gained 34 pounds since yesterday. This young girl is not going to just sit around in obscurity, she lookin’ to stir up a ruckus.   Friday, July 13 View Page I’ll be your Huckleberry! – Way out west, Sally SloPoke also likes to slide down a cold one on occasion. Today marks the 20th day since the conception of her young un’s. She taped 72” circ and 174” OTT. Not real quick on the draw and she seems kinda thick - but she keeps ploddin’ along...   Saturday, July 14 View Page Stormy Lifts her Skirts – Yesterday evening I tucked Stormy in and made sure her blankets were touching the sand so the cold night wind wouldn’t blow up her knickers. This morning I caught her lifting her skirts over an inch trying to show off her keister. She gained 36 pounds since yesterday and is such a tart! I guess if you got it flaunt it – probably not the best plan to slap local law enforcement in the face with it...   Sunday, July 15 View Page Been Down so Long it Looks Like Up to Me – Baby Sweet is in a little bit of a funk this morning because of that gravity thing. She wanted to fly but now at 10 days is slowly losing altitude like a hot air balloon that’s run out of gas. I would try to cheer her up with a cold beer but Sally drank them all already...   Wednesday, July 18 View Page The Eagle has landed – Baby Sweet touched down successfully on terra firma this morning and is resting comfortably on her little baby bottom. She’s vows never to fly again and is relieved that she wasn’t injured in the landing. I haven’t mentioned pumpkin drop contests to her and don’t think I will...   Sunday, July 22 View Page Storm’s A-Comin’ – Stormy hit 30 days today and is a bit out of breath. She’s averaged 40 pounds a day since day 20 and now clocks 289 OTT or 560 pounds. Batten down the hatches boys and girls, it could be a wild ride...   Wednesday, July 25 View Page The Magic Begins – Baby Sweet, my plucky little volunteer, is beginning a magical transformation – from a raggedy, homeless orphan to a true pumpkin princess. I haven’t seen the fairy godmother yet but I’m sure she’ll be here soon...   Saturday, July 28 View Page The Eye of the Storm – That little critter bite on Stormy’s derriere when she was a pup is expanding geometrically as Stormy gathers strength in the patch. About 1/8” by 1/2” when inflicted, the hole has now ballooned to 2 1/2” by 6 1/2”. By the time the Stormy is full strength, it will equal a 10 pound hunk of flesh. Stormy is still gaining over 40 pounds a day by the tape - and this girl seems to have a thick hide...   Wednesday, August 1 View Page Stormy Works the Poles – Stormy on her stage, strutting her stuff. Now at 40 days and close to 1,000 pounds estimated. I’m tucking 10 dollar bills under her blossom stub and cheering her on...   Friday, August 3 View Page Death of a Princess – Baby Sweet has stopped growing and her blossom stub has gone soft. She is now slowly melting into obscurity and a watery grave. Not all fairy-tale princesses find a shining prince and a kingdom. Just the fairy tales we like to tell...   Sunday, August 5 View Page Sally Moseys Down the Trail – SloPoke Sally is bringing up the rear at a relaxed canter. At 40 days she taped 320 OTT or 775 estimated. She’s starting to blush orange and has a nice round bum. She hates it when I slap it and say "Giddy-Up"...   Tuesday, August 7 View Page The Sands of Time – I moved Baby Sweet to the front patch where her mother once sat. Already she’s melting down in grotesque rolls of cellulite. Like the Wicked Witch of the West, splash down will be stinky and swift. Not the kind of fairy tale you tell little children...   Thursday, August 9 View Page The Reincarnation of Baby Sweet – I went to my back patch this morning and was astounded to find Baby Sweet had magically reappeared seemingly out of thin air! Like Lazarus arisen, she sits very much alive and somewhat confused by her resurrection. Apparently the fairy godmother showed up a little late and is trying to make up for her tardiness...   Saturday, August 11 View Page As Thick as It Gets: At 50 days, Stormy is getting a little broad in the beam. Now taping about 1,200 and cruising around 25 pounds a day. No more shaking her booty on stage for this girl. People just don’t pay to see that...   Tuesday, August 14 View Page Sally Opens Up – I guess Sally wanted to yodel so bad she got a tracheotomy. Now she can really belt it out. Nothing like going out to the patch at 7 in the morning and Sally is Yo-Da-Lay-EEE-Whooo’ing her heart out...   Friday, August 17 View Page Baby Sweet’s New Moniker – Baby Sweet’s body double is growing nicely but is somewhat of a low rider. I’ve named this particular manifestation of her physical presence - Baby SweetRoll. My next quandary is: What do I do when she outgrows her little platform???   Sunday, August 19 View Page Hush that Hussy Up! – I’ve put some shade cloth up to help muffle Sally’s constant yodeling. The neighbors have been complaining about all the noise...   Tuesday, August 21 View Page Middle-Aged Temptress – It’s Stormy DamnHoles 60th and she still wants to be a star – even with her wrinkly old ass. She’s gained 20#/day by the tape for the last ten days. The tape never lies – or does it???   Saturday, August 25 View Page Pastry Chef - Baby SweetRoll is rising like warm dough in the morning. At 35 days she thinks she’s pretty cool too. The little issue with her undersized dough table is becoming more obvious now...   Friday, August 31 View Page Here comes the Sun Rats – A Mammoth Greystripe Sunflower watches over Stormy now. Stormy just hit 70 days and is slowing down in her old age. When the sunflower seeds get ripe it will attract every damn squirrel from a mile around...   Saturday, September 15 View Page Red Sky in the Morning - SloPoke Sally is morphing into a very large Pyracantha berry. Her color started to come on strong just as the Pyracantha bush in the background started to turn to the red side. She’s soaking up lots of sun now working on her tan...   Saturday, September 15 View Page Dough’s Rising – Baby SweetRoll is developing some rather curvaceous ribbing and a pinkish blush. I didn’t use enough yeast on this one and she’s turning into a solid lump. I’m gonna have some trouble getting this pastry out of the patch...   Wednesday, September 26 View Page Glow in the Patch – The fog rolled in last night and in the morning there was a strange unearthly radiance lighting up the patch. SloPoke Sally has gone to the orange side and appears to be generating some sort of internal illumination. Now over 400” OTT…   Wednesday, October 3 View Page Out for Delivery – Baby SweetRoll on the truck piping hot! No shot at a Howard Dill for this sweet tart – She’s going to Farmer John’s who sold her to a buddy of Tom Brady. UOW with my inline scale was 555 pounds...   Friday, October 5 View Page Hang ‘em High – SloPoke Sally has a date with the hangman. She developed a small pinhole near the blossom stub so officially became unofficial. Dang pretty though. She went a bit heavy at 1,435 pounds on my inline scale with an OTT of 399...   Friday, October 5 View Page On the Road - Can’t grow them much bigger and still get them in the truck. Had to turn Sally sideways to get her porky buns in the bed. Must of seen 2 dozen thumbs-up from drivers on the way to Half Moon Bay. How do they all know that that’s what they’re supposed to do???   Monday, October 8 View Page Selfies on pumpkin row at Half Moon Bay...   Monday, October 8 View Page Charity Marshall jumps her 1,458 lb pumpkin on the scale at HMB...   Monday, October 8 View Page Steve nabs the top spot with his 2170 off the 1937 Urena...   Tuesday, October 9 View Page The Big Three – Leonardo Urena, Josiah Brandt and Steve Daletas work the crowd just before hitting the scales...   Thursday, November 1 View Page The Pumpkin Altar – My little offering to the dead, the undead and all the little goblins starred Stormy DamnHoles. It saw alotta action on Halloween...   Thursday, November 1 View Page First – A collection of odd characters while the light was still good...   Thursday, November 1 View Page As darkness sets in, the furry ones started to arrive. Stuff is always catchin’ on those damn horns – such a bother...   Thursday, November 1 View Page Hungry for a little goblin meat...   Thursday, November 1 View Page Then - young two-legged rats posting shots to social media…   Thursday, November 1 View Page The midnite guardian guards the gourds... Happy Halloween!   Sunday, November 4 View Page Personality Disorder – After the weigh-off, the true personalities of giant pumpkins start to emerge...   Sunday, November 4 View Page The 1769 Brandt had a troll in his heart...   Sunday, November 4 View Page This one is the 1628 Miller/Hawkley – Looks like he’s crackin’ up...   Sunday, November 4 View Page I know Alice is here somewhere...   Monday, December 24 View Page Saucy Santa – Stormy Damnholes wishes all a Merry Christmas and a happy New Year...